I have lied and changed myself multiply times. I created myself over and over.
Told people this is who i am and have been, only to create a new look later again.
I studied the style, learned the basics, failed, tried again and maybe succeded just before changing again.

I’m fake, I have allways been. I’m a original fake.

-Looks- 
I always looked normal, a boyish girl with grey brown hair.
Annoying silent wallpaper that only talked about boring stuff
and only seemed to open up with her friends.
Boys were newer interested in me and everyone always
wanted to be with my best friend J or her cousin E,
they were blond and had breast.
I had nothing to show off then a long skinny body, a boyish kid. 

I was newer called beautiful, pretty or cute.
My height was still in normal boundaries but
I was taller than most of my age.
But as I got more age, my height grew and
these days I’m taller than most people.  

When I left the town ‘for good’ feeling stupid and unwanted,
I only visited it 1-3 a year trying to relive the happy days. 
I got 10-15 kilos more weight on my middle school days,
I newer maybe got fat just chubbier.
I started coloring and trying permanents
and as I entered my high school I tried changing everything about me. Change myself from the outside to the inside. 
Cute and Pretty newer worked on me
and cool is so hard to maintain.
But whatever I did the same girl that had her crazy years
in Hanko kept on creeping back in my thoughts. 

So basically i thought changing myself would change my own thoughts… but i learned later on that thats not how to solve problems…