an update from my life..

A diary note about finnish war letter, California, school, books,, and gloom. How the people you know affect your dreams and when i cant escape the gloom.

Found another stack of old letters a few weeks back, gonna try and read these ones.
They are dated around 1943, it was war in Finland so their from my grandmas brothers from the front.
He has such little handwriting, it’s hard to understand.
but i have a feeling i need to understand the past if i want to know the future.

I didn’t leave to California this fall and it’s been depressing me ever since. I wish i could leave already, i wish i got my money issues sorted. I’m a dreamer, i cant get stuck like this.

Everyones starting to get fed up of me being stuck like this, yet nobody gives me the time to move on. Theres no me time ever for me. You might think it’s like a holiday for me, but i see everyones judgmental looks and i feel every word hey say all the way in my soul. I listen to their stories what i should be using my time, to when I run their errands; as they think i have too much time.

Randomly picked up hush, hush by becca fitzpatrick last at the pocket shop and finished reading it in oneday.
It was a good fluff break, but now i want to get my hands on the next book of this series..

Somedays ago there was a blackout in the middle of the night, i was still on the computer and i couldn’t see anything.
Thankfully i remembered i had left my phone in the other room, with it’s light i found candles. I got slightly bored as i couldn’t find my way upstairs to my room, read or be on the computer..

I wish i saw my friends more, but i can’t let myself go and meet them. I have to save every penny i have for next semester and i know my mood is bad; so i would only be a horrible friend. I feel like I’m doing them a little favor by keeping away.

I have been escaping in to books lately a lot, but it’s a sad thing when you feel the characters pains, feel at home in their world and become their friends, yet when you finish the book they leave you all alone ..Nobody is really getting why i want to leave so much, but i can’t stay either and i know it.