I miss you

Theres a boy i miss, but I’m afraid if i say it out loud people will think that it’s love. It’s not love that will will destroy ones relationship, it’s love that will last forever, friendship thats stronger than time. I haven’t seen him in a long time, not since everyone started teasing us for spending every day together. I feel bad for not picking up the phone when you called or sending you a message everyday as i used to. Someday we’ll be old and talk about the good days together again, while our children and spouses are jealous of all the memories, but before that won’t you call me once or twice again?

Bill withers-Lean on me

Diary: Sun

I’m gonna make a quick diary note, just ramble about whats up? and whats happened.

First stealing  a picture from my lovely friends blog

It’s me last week while me and her were taking sun at our yard.

We were neighbours for a half a year or a bit more;
But I’m moving out with my roommate next month.
The house is getting destroyed and I’m anyway graduating next week.

The snow has melted and we have been having in southern Finland really warm and sunny days.
It’s such a huge change, you notice how the capital city has woken up.
The grey winter made everything look so ugly, so this sun is making everything look like diamonds and pearls.

I can’t stop admiring  Helsinki now,
the sun has such weird effects.

But I’m already trying for a school on the other side of the Atlantis,
Because this last winter taught me that I might not survive the next one.
Weather affects my mood a lot.


Finland became World Champions in Icehockey this year, it was awesome.
We won Sweden 6-1!!!!!!!!
So ofcourse me and my friends went to Lejonien Kultajuhlat (Lions Goldenparty)
A lot of finnish artist performed and the icehockey team came on stage.
I had my gold leaf white wine for a drink.
After that me and Kata went even out to a baar, fun night~

But yeah I didn’t have time to search for a summer job early enough and when i started i noticed most of them had been taken.
I’m on many peoples list as next choice now if someone gets sick.
Then again i have a lot of paperwork to do before fall if i get to the school i want to.

I hope everything goes good, i hope for a sunny summer and everything else awesome

xoxo
mstatic

We all hate each other anyway

I was just thinking 5 minutes ago that i should start beeing a better friend, then i stumbled in to some things tha got my annoyans ticking. I’m really not good at this long term friendships, theres so many stupid rules.  You might say you dont say any rules, but thats the point all the rules are silent agreements. Just something you should instinktivly follow.   

Friendship, far from comfort,are often long years of resentment, with brief breaks for dancing

- Eva Wiseman for Elle UK

Yet there are days when you just can’t live withouth friend, becouse you need someone to share your joy and sadness. But Humans are bitter ones succes is the other ones loss and even if it didn’t affect us in any way we are still jealous creatures. Were stuck on this stupid ride down hill and we never really get up again.

It takes a lot of friendships to survive, I’m not talking about a couple yearfs old friendships becouse honestly they can break in a minute of time and usually they’re already poisoned from the inside. were just so blody scared of beein lonely. I envy friendships that last decades, becouse they’ve found a perfect pace to walk on.

We might love our friends but honestly i think we all hate them, because somewhere a long the line will come a second when you wish you guys never became friends.

Hurt

When you keep reminding yourself.

When your stuck on that same thought.

When everything else is changing.

When you thought you wouldn’t care.

You’re hurt.

Diary: Hes the thorn and I’m the pain?

Go to hell ’61tc#’. thats right, hell is where you belong.
Great got that one out of my system.. back to something i actually care about

Had a couple of nice days in my hometown and was today shopping(didin’t buy anything tho)
Watched a lot of Supernatural with Mary, both have been  running out of food. lol.
I really should go and buy some food.

Oh, Somebodys acting like his worst enemy. Becoming a thorn stuck on me…
i wont call him anymore, I’m done with it for good. I’m just giving clues to him. For that matter when i see him, i’ll be nice, i’ll act normal. But away I wont care a S#1t. 

Going to the hairdresser tomorrow/today and work.
Saturday is gonna be fun, lot’s of friends to see, Yey!
I’m so gonna be one of them that goes to the baar!!!

xoxo
mstatic

The long bitter shadow of hate

You know the feeling betrayed, you feel like you have been stabbed and left bleeding dry all alone. Well that happened… But sadly i know i will forget and forgive faster than i want.

Faster then it’s good for me.

Tomorrow allready I might talking to you like it’s a normal day.

But for today; I’ll be mad, i’ll be furious. I’ll dissolve you from your place in my heart.

I’m scared of casting the long shadow of hate, but it’s darkness that fills me up at this time.

It’s my annoyance growing til’ anger is not enough and sadness can’t pick it up.

Even if i didn’t wanna hate you, I will just for today.

[selca] Never forget Your friends

we used to be bestfriends, we still talk.

But i miss the days we talked a lot about everything!

Confessions [vol1] Proud to be unProud

Sometimes people don’t understand you if you never try to explain yourself.
I have been trying to be more honest these days and I have been asking about me from my friends.
So I would know what I’m doing wrong and what I’m doing right..

I have always been one of those, I do what I want not what others want me to do or what they do…
But I understand I should take responsibility off my actions and think of my friends more And I have actually learned ALOT!

Today I confessed a lot of weird stuff to my friend…
All the things she’s been wondering about, I hope she understands me now better. But I am a complicated person, we all are.

I want to post some of the things I dare to put online and I think is good to get them out there….
I think I’m gonna start with an easy one and maybe post another one tomorrow and so on:

-Fears-
What If I’m actually afraid of men?
What if all these boundaries come from common sense?
That somewhere along the line

I understood and learned from my mistakes?

I mean I have done a lot of things that I regret in my life.
I know that there is a place that has shaped me a lot,

all the crazy things I did there changed me.

...I will tell some of the things later on....

As i wrote down all the confessions to my friend this was the one i only then realized. I am afraid of men…

You will probably understand more as you read the rest of them..

But for now bye~~ <3

 

[Diary] Doing it all wrong

These last weeks I have been doing it all wrong, I have been feeling a bit done and lonely. Even thought I have met my friends I haven’t been extra social and going out meant only to be there a while for me.
But I realized the lonelier I get the more I will shield myself. I hide myself away.

My friends think I’m ignorant and that I don’t like their company and even thought they ask me to join I decline till the point that they don’t ask me out anymore. That’s when I get even worse, cos I feel like I found the end of my rope and it’s just free fall after this…
But maybe I should just jump and try again to climb up another way?

Why should I hide, what good comes out of it?
Yes it might be true that I don’t have to get bored waiting for my friends to do something else then concentrate on talking to me, I don’t have to see her eat when I don’t have money to buy food, I don’t need to play nice…

It’s not okay to leave your friends like this, it’s not okay.
I should have the courage to tell them what’s wrong.
If you want them to be your friends you have to be their friends to… …right?

Swine flu victims, who’s the guilty one?

Swine flu, swine flu, swine flu.. Is everybody talking about it or  is it just written Everywhere.. Some are these days less concerned about it and some are even more scared.

The vaccines are finally here, but only a small amount is getting them. Some even refuse taking them, thinking their even more harmful then the influenza.

I was wondering that if i got swine flu from a outsider and my friends might catch it from me; then it would be my fault?
I’m the one spreading swine flu in among my friends, I’m the one that wasn’t cautious?

Some might think this is vain thinking and humans aren’t that shallow.
But I’m young girl, my friends are young. They have strong emotions, the scars go deeper in. Some can forget, some can forgive, but some will remember it forever.

So if i got it and survived but my friend died after getting it from me, it would be my fault. If i died, the others could forgive and mourn. But if i did survive i would be the one to blame. If i then again got it from one of them i would get sad and angry too for them spreading it to me.

I don’t know anyone well that has had swine flu, only one from my old work got it. But he only worked there ones a week and i ended work there before he ever came back. At that time i was worried what if he had infected me?
He was a nice man but i didn’t like him the days i worried..

…Yes i know everyone is not gonna get it, but you newer know whos gonna be the next victim…