Just Rambling at Night

I miss my family more than I will tell them,

Nostagizing my own country, I miss so much,

Wondering what  my friends are up to,

How did my moms apple pie taste?

Am I getting old or Is life passing me by,

because feel like I was always to tell my feelings to shy.

Is my hometown changing while I’m not there?

While traveling here to search after life,

I never realized I would cut myself out my dearest lives.

Still, I hope for the best for them,

because I made choice, I made a resolution

I’m here to become something and I will make them proud.

So loved ones, see you when I get there

and please, don’t forget me.

I miss you

Theres a boy i miss, but I’m afraid if i say it out loud people will think that it’s love. It’s not love that will will destroy ones relationship, it’s love that will last forever, friendship thats stronger than time. I haven’t seen him in a long time, not since everyone started teasing us for spending every day together. I feel bad for not picking up the phone when you called or sending you a message everyday as i used to. Someday we’ll be old and talk about the good days together again, while our children and spouses are jealous of all the memories, but before that won’t you call me once or twice again?

Bill withers-Lean on me

Maybe the heart never forgets?

I have been wondering if it’s possible to be hurt and still healing from a heart break years without realizing it, i mean if it’s something that hurt and really took on your self esteem back then.

But back then you just tried to ignore it and just tried to move on. You thought you werent affected and only rememberd it when someone else tried to swoon you or hurt you.

You stay awake in the night blaming yourself of it all, rain reminds you of the tears you shed and it feels like your stupid when you can’t get over that one thought.

Only now years later you realize it might have affected all your choices and thoughts up until this day. Maybe the first step of healing would be to actually realize it?

My thought about the situation

Stress Nightmares

I don’t usually have nightmares, only bad scenarios and bad stuff happening.
Like last week i woke up 11 am and realized i should have already been at the doctors office and stressed out a lot but fell asleep again.
But then i woke up and wondered why it was so dark and looked at the clock; It was only 7 am so i just had a dream about missing my appointment.

Somedays later, just 2 nights ago i had a dream that i woke up and went to the computer to notice the JYJ tickets had come out while it was night in Finland and they where all sould out. I was so sad and when i woke up i still thought it had happened til’ i got later that day on the computer and realized it was just a dream…

Dreams like these are weary.. Like once i dreamed i was in a happy relationship and the boy said he would call, but he never did. When i woke up i was sad cos he hadn’t called, only to realize it was a dream and all the memories where just a part of the dream…

Usually i wake up still tired after these dreams..
..But I still prefer these dreams over nightmares that would be like scary movies.

-MStatic-

Party Dreams

I reeeeeeaaally wanna party, i just wanna dance and have fun, relax my mind.

Just let my body move to the music.

Surround myself with laughter and good memories.

Weekend parties van be like living a fun memory.

You just need a drink a friends and music.

Escaping reality, forgetting our worries.

I wanna live in that memory

 

Memories remain in our hearts

I found those old photographs again, they remind me of all the good things.

All the frustration i have had vanished seeing our smiles.

The moments i treasurred but forgot in my own melancholy.

Even if i yesterday told you i hated it all i now realize i don’t regret a thing.

I would trade 5 years for one year with you guys!

Why?

Why is hating so much easier then loving?

The one i love is a angel

Kim Jaejoong.
A beatiful angel.

A korean artist know troughout the world.Someone i will probably never meet.

Hes the brightestst star, yet so far away and untouchabel.His got more fans than i can count that many of them might love him more than i ever will.

But you will be my star forever, I will smile hearing your name.
I’ll think of your face while thinking of angels.

Thank You!

 

Diary: Hes the thorn and I’m the pain?

Go to hell ’61tc#’. thats right, hell is where you belong.
Great got that one out of my system.. back to something i actually care about

Had a couple of nice days in my hometown and was today shopping(didin’t buy anything tho)
Watched a lot of Supernatural with Mary, both have been  running out of food. lol.
I really should go and buy some food.

Oh, Somebodys acting like his worst enemy. Becoming a thorn stuck on me…
i wont call him anymore, I’m done with it for good. I’m just giving clues to him. For that matter when i see him, i’ll be nice, i’ll act normal. But away I wont care a S#1t. 

Going to the hairdresser tomorrow/today and work.
Saturday is gonna be fun, lot’s of friends to see, Yey!
I’m so gonna be one of them that goes to the baar!!!

xoxo
mstatic